Red

Written on September 30th 2020:

My heart feels as if it has broken into a million pieces. Red took a turn for the much worse yesterday, and I knew the time had come. In April, our wonderful vet Malcolm (at Myrtletown Vet in Eureka) told me we were in a whole new phase, and the idea was to stay together as long as Red was comfortable. He said it was neurological. Red kept losing bits and pieces of his active life. First he needed a ramp to get up the back stairs. Then he could no longer get up the ramp. Then he was unable to walk on cement. Although he used to fly like the wind at the soccer field, our trips lately involved him walking about 100 steps and then lying down, waiting for me to pick him up. At night, I would get up one or two times to take him into the yard. Yesterday, daytime, I carried him into the yard, he started to pee, and then he had to lie down (still peeing until I helped.) And yesterday, he didn’t eat his food, and it dawned on me to hand feed him. He ate from my hand. Then I realized with horror that he wasn’t able to drink from his bowl. So I brought the bowl to him, and he was SO THIRSTY.

Red came to me from Muttville. They estimated his age as 9 in January, 2014. He was called a minipin chi. I had been looking for a rescue dog, and Muttville posted lots of photos. I passed over Red, but my daughter in New York Bekah recognized him as potentially mine. Robin Bauer and her daughter Hanora were fostering him, and through Red I got a lifelong human friend in Robin – as did Red. Red came to live with me in Arcata May, 2014. Whenever I traveled, and it was a lot, Robin had Red. So he had his “country estate” in Arcata, a condo in the sky in Emeryville, and a San Francisco urban dwelling. Red had a very special relationship with Bekah. He always got this look on his face that he showed to no one else. They really loved each other. I am so grateful Bekah was able to come to Arcata at the end of August and spend eight days with us. That look he would give her is forever embedded in my memory bank. Hanora, Robin’s daughter, was also part of the equation. Red even FLEW with Robin to Portland to stay with Hanora and create mischief with her cat Luci-furr. One time, they drove, and Red had his first experience stopping at a bar. Bobbie Rothman was also a constant in his life – being with me the first time I laid eyes on Red and staying with us in Arcata and Emeryville.

Malcom Richardson and Melissa Moser at the vet’s were wonderful today. Malcolm has been through it all with Red, and Melissa, as the office manager, has been through it all with me. I was able to hold him tight while he got his sedative (started snoring) and then the shot which made him breathe his last. It was very peaceful except for me bawling my eyes out.

Although I am known for sharing very few tears or even crying by myself, I have done nothing but since I got to the vet’s at 10a.m. this morning. Red and I were constant companions. Those six words have such important content for me. This last year I have been his personal attendant 24/7, happily. WE RESCUED EACH OTHER. We really did. When his cremains join my Corgi Max’s in the yard, his stone will read “We rescued each other.” We were together all the time, more so of course since the pandemic. I found him to be great company, and he said the same for me. I am just so glad he had that time with Bekah just a few weeks ago. And Robin was so looking forward to seeing him this coming week end.

It feels like the closing of a major chapter of my life. Red provided love, structure, grounding, and a whole lot of fun. We really were best friends, companions, comrades…FAMILY. This chapter has closed, and the next chapter has not opened. The loss is painful.

Bekah has been on the phone with me multiple times today, as has Robin who cried all the way home from working at the food bank. Although the tears are rolling, the reflex part of me says it’s time to take Red out. Most of you have gone through this with a beloved pet. I did with Max. I know the pain will lessen, but I think it will take a very long time for the deep ache to dissipate. My beloved Beauty Boy.

As for Muttville, I think they are true heroes and heroines. They do not give up on any dog despite whatever is going on. I am a once a month donor to this extraordinary organization for ever and ever.

- Pam Mendelsohn